Find Love Here & Now

Love is always where you are

One of my favorite practices to remind us that we are always cared for is to notice love here right now.

Like many of my inner games, it is simple and can be done anywhere and anytime. I hope you enjoy it!

Practice

Bring your awareness into the space where you are and notice the love right here. You can use a broad definition of the word love. Anything that makes you feel supported qualifies! I like to look at love with the world, love with yourself, and love with others.

• Where do you notice the love right now from the world, you, and others?

• How do you feel after doing the exercise?

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An example:

The world:

• I feel the love of gravity gently supporting me at all times while allowing me the freedom to move around

• I feel held by the chair I'm sitting on

• I feel nourished by the energy of the sun warming my skin, I feel sustained and comforted by the air I breathe

Myself:

• I feel loved when I notice a water glass next to me for whenever I need it

• I feel loved by me dressing myself in a cozy outfit

• I'm in love when I allow myself to express myself and gift the world a contribution that feels meaningful to me

Others:

• I feel loved by nature and the network of people who brought me this water to drink

• I feel loved by people creating platforms for us to share ideas globally

• I feel connected imagining you receiving the gift I'm trying to share through these words

When I do this practice I feel warmer inside, I notice myself smiling, the energy inside and around me feels thick, my mood lifts. I feel more giddy, connected and optimistic. What comes up for you?

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I'd love if you left a comment sharing where you noticed love in your moment so we can share in the love that you see in the world.

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This post is not a replacement for therapy. If this tool doesn't resonate with you or if it brings up overwhelming emotions, set it aside or get support from a therapist or coach.

If you would like to work with me 1:1, you can book a session by filling out the contact form with any questions you may have.

Freedom in accepting your emotions

Embracing your full self

Ah, emotions! These mysterious energies and sensations appear out of nowhere and drive what you do. It's tempting to dismiss them or to follow them everywhere they lead. At times, you may want to be a robot and not feel.

Emotional responses are like physics operating based on cause and effect that moves your body. They are informed by your wiring, personal and ancestral history, as well as social conditioning.

For example, let's look at Sally and Tom:

In childhood:

Sally and Tom grew up in different families with similar relationship dynamics.

When they were young, a parent lashed out every time Sally or Tom complained or expressed anger.

Little Sally interpreted it as:

• "I should not complain or be angry because I will be punished or rejected"

• "Angry people are scary and dangerous [like my parent]. I don't want to be scary so I better not lash out or express my anger"

Little Tom interpreted it as:

• "Asking for things, as well as expressing vulnerability or dissatisfaction is weak and people will take advantage of me if I do it"

• "People who yell are powerful and in control. Lashing out is the best way to protect myself, for example when someone threatens my reputation by complaining"

As adults:

Sally and Tom date. When conflict arises, Sally tries to be easy and suppress her anger while Tom lashes out.

Sally blames and doubts herself. She doesn't realize anger is a natural response to unsafe situations. She tries to be soft to not hurt Tom. This unconsciously rewards Tom's outbursts. Meanwhile, Sally's anger leaks out in passive-aggressive actions.

Because Sally's response is subdued, Tom doesn't experience consequences for yelling. He doesn't know the extent to which his outbursts are scaring Sally and rapturing the connection. He often gets what he wants and the scared vulnerable part of him is largely hidden. At the same time, he worries he can't please Sally, is dissatisfied with her recent coldness, and feels tension in his body.

After months of appeasing Tom, Sally lashes out. This new behaviour scares them both. Sally is terrified of the angry part she tries to keep caged. Because she doesn't own her anger, she doesn't recognize herself and decides to end this relationship. She's exhausted of being yelled at. She's also uncomfortable with the idea of setting firm boundaries with Tom and feeling like "the bad guy" for complaining. Tom also withdraws - he's tired of Sally's cold behaviour. He no longer feels in control and is terrified of the fear he felt when Sally lashed out. He can never fully please her, so what's the point?

They break up.

Healing

After cycling through similar scenarios for years, Sally and Tom realize they need to allow the parts of themselves they had disowned.

They learn to trust themselves when they feel scared, protect and sooth themselves, ask for what they need, seek reassurance from their partner when appropriate, and/or reach for outside help if needed. When they own their anger as natural and helpful, they're able to tell when someone crosses their boundaries and to respond assertively.

When their vulnerable and angry parts are both being heard, they respond more appropriately to the situation at hand; neither under- or over- reacting. This has a positive impact on their self-esteem, relationships and parenting styles.

In your life

Are there certain emotions you are uncomfortable with? Do parts of you make you feel powerless, out of control, or like a bad person? If so, you may want to slowly and gently work on getting in touch with them.

Offer yourself lots of support and reassurance and reach out for help from a therapist or coach if you're new to this work and/or are getting in touch with anything deep or overwhelming.

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This post does not condone harmful behavior and is not a replacement for therapy or coaching. Only delve into this healing work in a safe supportive environment - both physically and emotionally.

The examples of Tom's and Sally's protective strategies, and other such behaviors, can apply across genders and cultures. Every person's story and mix of defense strategies is unique and takes patience and time to learn, explore, and potentially modify.

If you would like to book a 1:1 session with me, fill out a contact form to get in touch.

Developing self-trust

A simple tool for increasing self-trust in everyday moments.

When inner trust is raptured, it is challenging to show up. You can feel disconnected, helpless, and doubtful of your abilities.

In this post, I'll share an exercise to help you:

• Connect with your inner guidance

• Step toward repairing trust with yourself, and by extension others

Practice:

In any life moment, I invite you to pause and ask yourself: What do I do now as my trustworthy self?

• Initially focus on small immediate actions.

• Aim for ideas that feel trustworthy toward yourself - not what you think will appear trustworthy to someone else or win their affection or approval. The latter can cause you to bypass your needs, act out of integrity, and hurt your relationship with yourself and potentially others in the long run.

Once you have an idea of what you do as your trustworthy self, do one of:

• Take the action. Notice how you feel.

• If you're not ready to take the action, visualize taking it in detail step-by-step. If you expect certain obstacles, imagine overcoming them as your trusted self. You can journal about this fictional scenario, imagine it in your mind or both. Notice how you feel.

Rinse and repeat throughout the day.

Notice success:

Observe the impact this practice has on your life, as well as how you relate to yourself and the world around you.

• If you get as far as reading about the exercise - perfect! You learn theory.

• If you visualize, you create new blueprints for action.

• If you take action, you test different possibilities... Or maybe discover you are already acting in ways that you can trust.

There is always room to go further. Part of the trip is the step you are on.

This post is not a replacement for therapy. If this tool doesn't resonate with you or if it brings up overwhelming emotions, set it aside or get support from a therapist or coach.

If you would like to work with me 1:1, you can book a session by filling out the contact form with any questions you may have.